Easter Sunday - circa 1956, 1957

I went to bed last night laughing to myself over this wonderful old photograph of Paula, Patsy, Buddy, Jerry, Mike, Coy, Kathy, Debbie and me with Grandaddy and Grandma on Easter Sunday.  Not one of us was happy to have to stand still for one more minute just to have our picture taken.  There is truly no telling how many were taken before this one was saved for posterity.   Our grandparents were our true rocks, our constant companions. (We'll not go into the details behind that statement.)  Today, based on this picture, I can see that this was one year Grandma chose all of our Easter outfits.  Oh, the money spent - not only did we have to have new dresses, slips, pants, ties, hats , but also  gloves and socks and shoes!

But, the reason I went to bed laughing is that we had to be color-coordinated with our grandparents' Easter suits.  Oh, so many precious memories.  

P.S., now I recall why I have never said blue was my favorite color.  Hope you all enjoy this photograph of the pouts and tears.  Still laughing.

Why Dillon, South Carolina? One reason...

When Tom and I first moved to Dillon, my long distance telephone bill was over $300 a month back before cell phones with unlimited calling. I was often so homesick, I cried. Reverend Dr. John Bumgardner told me that although I didn't know why, that God had sent me to Dillon for some reason. Throughout the years, many things have made me recall his wise comment. Today, I realized that one reason I moved to Dillon County was to meet Legrand Rogers and his family. Of course, I didn't know that back in 1992.

I cannot number the hoursspent in Floydale sitting on the Rogers' front porch talking politics, weather, personal problems, and whatever else came along during the talks with Legrand. I met him when I first moved to Dillon because he was a bailiff at the Dillon County Courthouse. I had known him for several years. Then, through another friend, I met his wife Margaret, and his daughter Cheryl. Cheryl's friends and cousins then became part of the ever expanding circle.  Soon after Sanders' death, the Rogers family became as much a part of my family as mine did to theirs.   My family is  grieving over Legrand's death.  I can't write much tonight -  but, this afternoon I spent sitting on that porch in Floydale, in his chair, talking with Margaret, Cheryl, Bryan, Brenda...and looking out at the same fields which Legrand and I  did.

I know he is smiling down at us and telling us we shouldcontinue to spend many hours, too, looking at the trees, the birds, discussing the wild boar and deer, lingering over coffee.

Balloons over Lake Winnebago - Fond du Lac, Wisconsin 5-21-09

     May 21, 2009, would have been Sanders' 35th birthday.   My nephews, Chuck Stanley and Chris Stanley; Chuck's children: Charli, Porter and Noah; my sister Debbie and brother-in-law, Chuck, and I went to beautiful Lake Winnebago, which is only blocks from their homes.   There in that beautiful place we celebrated Sanders' birthday.  I will never forget it.   Charli told me that I should know that God would catch the balloons and give them to my son up in Heaven.  When the last balloon was almost out of sight, Porter walked over to me and said, "It kind of breaks your heart to let them go, doesn't it?"  I replied, "Yes, it does."  

All of this was caught on video by my nephews.  Go to my Facebook page...turn up your volume and  if you listen very carefully, around the 40 second mark, you'll hear Porter's question.   Thank you, my loving family for caring for me and for having loved Sanders.     

O

 

Sanders' 35th birthday

May 21, 1974 - April 3, 2007

Memory 1: 

Sanders got upset with his Dad and me when he was five.  It was a pretty spring day.  He packed a backpack with his "belongings", took our blonde lab, Ursa, and walked approximately 200' to Felicia's flower garden next door, and took a nap.  Tom and I knew to look for him only because he left us a note:   "I have runned away".    

He left no note this last time.

Memory 2:

When a neighbor called to tell me he had seen Sanders and two girls in the Plymouth Barracuda convertible turning off of Gervais Street onto Huger at 40 MPH, Sanders denied doing so.  He said, "Mom, it only looked like that but it was just my long hair blowing in the wind."

Memory 3:

During therapy, Sanders was asked about traumatic childhood events.  He only recalled one:  getting locked out of his grandmother's house when he was three and having to walk around to all seven doors trying to get back inside. 

Tom and I were good parents and Sanders was very lucky to have been born to us.  Why would I say this?   Because there were too many traumatic events in my own childhood to begin to number.

Thought:

Depression is a cold, brutal, horrible, defeating and demoralizing illness.   It attacked my son who was the most loving, creative, beautiful, bright, exuberant, and joyful being I've ever known.    Depression has now left us -  who loved him so deeply -  to suffer with the loss of not being able to hug him, talk with him on the telephone or chat over lunch, or even to email him any longer.  I still keep his cell phone number in my phone, tho'. 

We are left with irreparably saddened spirits and broken hearts.  This is the aftermath of the path of depression which William Styron personally described -- a "brainstorm". 

Kathy's birthday wish - April 25, 2009

Baby sis, Kathy, invited me to lunch at the Grecian Gardens restaurant (on Highway 378 in  West Columbia) for her birthday.  We'd start at Noon.  Possible guests:  Hope, Coy, me.  I asked Betty Bethea, my fun traveling companion, to ride with me to celebrate since she hadn't seen Kathy and Hope since our cruise two years ago.  Betty and I drove into the parking lot promptly at Noon and I was really surprised to see my brother, Mike, and my beautiful sister-in-law, Darlene, getting out of their Yukon.   We hugged each other and that was when I noticed their white T-shirts which said "In Loving Memory of Sanders".   They simply said they had completed the NAMI three-mile walk along the Congaree River that morning.  I was taken aback.  I tried  to take a picture of them.  But, my arms were shaking so badly even the automatic focus  of my digital Sony couldn't overcome the movement.

We were taken to a table in the special occasion back room.   When the four of us  walked in, all I saw was that the table was full of people and almost everyone was wearing one of the white T-shirts!  It was then I realized I was the only person who had brought a birthday gift bag! 

Kathy had told everyone - but me - that all she wanted for her birthday was family and friends to join her on the NAMI walk in Sanders' memory.

I cannot recall ever feeling so loved before.   Even today, words escape me.  I have put off writing this journal entry until today - sister Debbie's birthday - because I didn't know what to say; how to say it; or, whether I should attempt to say anything.   

I've told people about Kathy's birthday wish.  Some have cried. I know why they cried. 

For Kathy to be so loved by her family and friends is the greatest gift she'll ever  receive.    Why, then, do I feel like it was my birthday gift?  Probably because, as Kathy said, "We simply wanted you to know that we all miss Sanders every day, too." 

Now, isn't it clear why this entry was so hard to do?